Good morning beautiful W3,
I am outside on my deck writing this to you – the sky is blue, the smoke has cleared, but the wind is blowing strongly – whipping my hair and the pages of my books into a frenzy.
Why not go in you might ask. Because the wind feels good this morning. It’s blowing peace and forgiveness into my heart and this morning I need all the help that the Universe wants to provide in that department.
Because I am hurt. Now, I could say … I’ve been hurt. But the truth is (and no one really likes to hear the truth when they are in this vulnerable state I know but I’m giving it to my Self anyway …) the truth is … that I choose how I feel.
I want to make clear … I have not experienced violence or violation … just the good ole’ fashioned hurt feelings variety by someone I love. I’m even a little teary about it – and I don’t really do “teary” which also tells me this girl has been working long days for a long time to get Sisterhood ready and my body and soul is tired.
Tears are ALWAYS an indicator of exhaustion for me. So my logical self takes that into account as well.
But I have to be courageous enough to look under the rock. Under the cloak of hurt feelings to see what “monster” is lurking there.
Fear of …. what?
Abandonment, failure, making a mistake, that I made a mistake, success, significance, insignificance, competence, incompetence, looking foolish, taking a chance, broken heart, broken soul, empty bank account, empty relationships, empty life … pick your poison.
Those are merely options (and there are more). They don’t all belong to me. And they change through the years and depending on the experience don’t they? BUT there is often an underlying thread that weaves through our journey … a theme that keeps showing up.
It might have begun in our childhood … or later in our lives. But we carry it with us and in the oddest moments it peeks its’ head out and shouts “Hi! I’m still here!”
So here’s what I know … (and thank you … because it is the process of writing to you that allowed me to get to this next space which is so important).
It is not ABOUT the interaction this morning that hurt my feelings. I am not hurt by that so much. That was just a trigger to a deeper hurt, one that is sometimes hidden, one that I prefer really to hide and if I am honest, one that I must face over and over again …
It is that treasure under the rock I must begin to unravel again, and find my peace within it.
I don’t want to just write the word down here right this second – because it deserves more than that – and honestly, I am a little raw and fragile about it in this moment.
If I just write the word I dishonor the experience (I believe that). It feels like a dirty secret that I whisper and then run if I do it that way. So I can’t. For me, for you, for the people who love me and who read this message … everyone deserves better.
And you don’t need to know my theme … beautiful W3 … not really … but you may need to identify yours.
Because it’s a big thing, this theme in our lives. I have people in my world who have held on to the “trigger hurt” for years … decades … refusing to look under the rock and unravel what it is really about. It is scary … I get that.
So let’s not do that ok? Let’s look under the rock. Everyone has one I promise you. Even those with the sparkling “perfect” lives. Let’s look past the trigger to the theme. What’s your theme W3? There is peace there, waiting for you.
You Are Loved,
PS. Thank you for reading my message today, and for supporting me with your energy, I feel that. xo
PPS. We are going to be holding an event in September …. Meditation for Peace. Check it out.